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How Do I Feel?

Pretty damn good.

I bought this office chair last week. While I have dismal internet at home (1.5 Mbps - yes, it's that bad), I do spend a good amount of time working in the evenings and on weekends when I'm not at my regular "office" (read: my friend/workwife/co-worker's house). My old office chair was a 2005 Big Lots purchase (the cheapest one I could find) from when I set out on my own after my divorce... It was originally my daughter's desk chair, but it made several moves with us because we always seemed to need one. It was literally falling apart (the plastic back would crumble every time you touched it and my carpet was littered with plastic pieces every time the chair was moved - which is often when I was sitting in it as frequently as I was). So while I hate spending money, I just couldn't spend hours in that piece of crap anymore, so I went out and got a new one. It's not the fanciest, but there is minimal plastic (I'll probably have nightmares about that crumbling chair for years) and it's comfy enough without being ridiculous like the Beautyrest office chairs with gel memory foam and cooling system that would likely induce sleep while I should be working.

I made a comment on a Facebook post that I think people should shop for furniture regularly (even if they're not going to buy any), because the process of sitting on something and just thinking about how you feel in each new chair is a pretty valuable exercise in self-awareness. I remember shopping for our mattress about 9 years ago and thinking the same thing... What a weird and yet really necessary practice; and what amazing things you can discover in so doing.

I have two more days of my detox/cleanse/diet and I have to say, I feel pretty good. I only had a few moments of panic when I couldn't have the food I really wanted to have; most of the time I was really satisfied with the recipes, my (lack of) cravings, and not feeling deprived. Similar to how my mind was processing chair shopping, I've also been giving a lot of consideration to how my body has felt these past 28 days.

One revelation I had today was that I have spent a lot of my life in physical pain. As a young gymnast/dancer, I can't tell you how many tubes of Ben-Gay I went through or cortisone shots, or just wincing and powering through injuries. As I got older, a lot of those injuries that probably weren't tended to very carefully in my youth have been the source of a lot of adulthood pain. Much of that has dulled with restorative surgery and time, but when you're used to pain and then you don't have any, you think you feel good. But really, you're just not in pain.

One of the things I'm trying to be better about is being honest with myself about how I really feel. Whether it's how I feel sitting in a chair, or assessing how I feel during a diet... And for the first time in a long time, I feel pretty good... Not just pain-free, but actually good.

The main reason I agreed to do this detox/cleanse/diet was b/c I wanted to see if I could really go 30 days gluten-free, dairy-free, sugar-free, and soy-free. And my husband made the statement that if he could give up alcohol, I could do this... So I couldn't NOT do it. Anyway, I took it on as a challenge to see if I could do it, but not really because I thought how I would feel at the end would be the actual reward. But how I feel now really is the payoff.

Shockingly enough, I intend to continue (mostly) clean eating. I have enjoyed the food I've been eating and while it's been more labor-intensive in terms of the meal planning/prep/cooking, it's been worth how I feel. I always thought people who did these things were full of crap and that gushing about how energized and great they feel was just cliché bull. But now I'm one of them. Damnit.

I do plan to have a piece of pizza when this is done. And I'd like to have a DQ Blizzard. But I probably won't do them on the same day and I probably won't have HALF a pizza or even a whole Blizzard. The fact that I went gluten-free, dairy-free, sugar-free, and soy-free for 28 days now is incredibly empowering to me. I haven't embarked on or met a physical challenge like this in a long time and I don't really want to unravel all that I've worked for to feel as good as I do.

So there. I admit I was wrong about this clean eating thing. Contrary to my post about a month ago, I didn't die. And I didn't even think I was going to die at any point along the way. In fact, I feel more alive. Geez, I sound just like those people I used to think were so annoying...

Anyway, I feel good. Color me astonished.

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